August is the time to ask the question: What Will Be Your Legacy? Jennifer Iannolo, Founder and CEO of Zenfully Delicious, gives her take on what it means to leave a positive legacy of remembrance to nieces and nephews.

It makes me smile when people ask about my Rent-A-Kids. (Yes, that’s how people refer to them now.) I’m constantly reveling in who they are and what they’re becoming, and just can’t help myself from being crazy about them. Sometimes the love is so big it leaks out of my eyes.
 
Though I’ve said it before, it bears repeating that for me, being Aunt Jen is a precious, delicious gift. I have the massive privilege of contributing empowerment, guidance and plain old fun to the lives of my nieces and nephews without it ever being clouded by day-to-day responsibilities. I get to be their dreamkeeper, cheerleader and Fairy GodMoFo.
 
And though I never planned to be a mother, I had no idea how much fun being an aunt was going to be. While the parents of my Rent-A-Kids are focused on daily management, such as preventing the children from going to school in their underwear, I get the extraordinary opportunity to see those kids from the 40,000-foot view. From up there I can see their dreams, their fears, and the things bubbling beneath the surface. Without all the white noise, I get to see them at a depth their parents may not easily see—not because they’re unable to, but simply because they have to make sure the children finish their homework, avoid eating crayons and generally survive the day.
 
So when I’m looking down from that height, and thinking about the kind of legacy I want to leave my ‘Kids, it lives inside the notion that they experience being heard, understood, loved relentlessly and unconditionally, and celebrated by their biggest champion.
 
My legacy is a space—one where they get to be whoever they uniquely are, without judgment, expectation or prejudice. If they want to join the circus, I’m going to ensure we find them the best costume designers so they can look as fabulous as possible, and the best circus instructors so they can learn how to juggle, ride an elephant and swing on a trapeze.
 
That doesn’t mean that inside Aunt Jen’s world there are no rules; in fact, with me they know there are clear boundaries and parameters. None of those, however, are set up to impede who they are.
 
Legacies are things we can either craft or inherit. My father gave me his greatest gift in a simple phrase: “If we don’t have our dreams, what do we have?” My mother gave me hers by sharing her fearless sense of adventure. Those two things have guided me for the better part of 35 years, and enabled me to envision things and take chances that most people would find completely outlandish.
 
My parents came to America with nothing to lose, and everything to live for. So rather than me being complacent about that spirit, I’m going to take my inherited legacy and kick it up a level. I’m taking my Rent-a-Kids a step further so they not only have the freedom to dream, but also the tools to make those dreams real as quickly as possible; then they can go on to the next one!
 
My ‘Kids will grow up in a world with very few barriers to exploration: They can go to college or create their own education. Get married or stay single. Fly into space or drill into the earth.
 
What’s important to me, however, is that their chosen pursuits make their souls sing. My father didn’t get to create his future with that kind of freedom, but he made sure I did. I have traveled the world, spoken at Harvard, lived in another country, started companies, met movie stars, starred in a documentary and cooked in Eric Ripert’s kitchen.
 
Imagine what my Rent-A-Kids will do if my legacy is to ensure that they are even freer to create their lives than I was.

***

Fellow Aunties, if you are starting to give thought to your own legacies, here are some tips to prime the pump:
 
1. Think about how you want your nieces and nephews to remember you.

When they talk about their relationship with you decades from now, what will they say you contributed to their lives?
 
2. If you aren’t sure what you represent in their lives, ask them.

You might be delighted to find out what you bring to their existence. Two responses I got were “Happiness!” and “I know that if I ever need someone to talk to and can’t go to my parents, I can call you.”
 
3. When you think about the legacy handed down to you, is it positive or negative? Do you want to build upon it, or throw it out and create your own?

Sometimes we’re handed down negative cliches like “Dreams never really come true” or “Don’t aim too high or you’ll be disappointed.” You have the power to stop those kinds of conversations, and teach your nieces and nephews that dreams are indeed possible. This doesn’t mean you need to falsely prop up their self-esteem, but you do have the opportunity to give them something to strive for. Not everyone can be a pro basketball player, but if a person has an extreme love of basketball, they can still work within that industry and have a magnificent time.
 
4. Fly up to 40,000 feet and see what’s missing.

That’s where you come in. Are they missing a voice of reason, or empowerment, or reality? You can provide whatever will create a well-rounded view of life for them. This is the sweet spot of a Savvy Auntie, and where we all can really shine. Be the dreamkeeper!

Jennifer Iannolo is the Founder & CEO of Zenfully Delicious, a lifestyle company created to empower women with chronic illness to celebrate a life of indulgent wellness. She is also the co-creator of The Gilded Fork, home to the world's first all-food podcast channel.

Photo: tungphoto
Published: August 13, 2013